Now

"...but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised."

Romans 4:20b-21.

The LORD has promised to lead us in His ways, to protect us, and to provide all we need. I often struggle to believe the practical applications of this beautiful promise. I squirm in fear at so many days of unknown future. I become impatient, determining that I know the proper timing for my life. That I know the day, the year, or the lifetime that things are supposed to happen. And yet, time and time again, God gently reminds me that I know nothing about the future and how that is exactly the way it is supposed to be.

I stress about wanting to live out here NOW because there are children who need to be loved NOW. Who need the love of consistency NOW. I decide for myself that I understand this situation far better than God does because obviously, if He did know what was going on over here, He would snap His fingers and the next four years of classes would melt away and I would be living here, changing life for these kids NOW. Goodness how much self-absorption is in that train of thought. Not only does it deny God's perfect wisdom and timing and control, but it puts the focus on my doing what is necessary to get where He wants me to be. I would be the one changing their lives.

So very twisted. I know for sure that if I were in charge of making these children's lives better, there is no hope. Surely, there is never any hope without Christ's salvation.